What Now?

Lookee here,… I’m back!!! Well, not just yet.  Still a little rusty as I am still muddling my way through wordpress.

Good Morning

I woke up this morning to find the air still heavy with the moisture due to the rain last night.   It was about 5:45am. I lit up my first for the day and looked out the window.  It was still dark outside and the pavement was still rolling out of its puddles.  I looked down below to our neighbor’s sari-sari store.  A girl in her high school uniform was peering through the store and I could just hear or imagine their little conversation.

There was a slight breeze.  And as it managed to seep through the window which was slightly ajar, I felt it brought about an old feeling.  It was like a small whiff brought a feeling overflowing with memories, a certain state of mind that was so long ago.  Suddenly I missed being a kid.  In grade school, high school- it didn’t matter.  I missed the absence of any pressing matters.The struggles of growing old, of facing all sorts of issues by yourself.  It’s funny. It seems as we grow old, we seem to lose the wit and probably the positivity of dealing with life.  

Or maybe, it’s just that, as kids, we never really tought of it.  I mean- dealing with life.  At this age, we still rant about issues that deal with love.  And it’s crazy annoying.  Gee, why am I talking about love.  Scary, let’s just scratch that off.  

I go back inside my room. And as I get ready to take a bath, I am once again, faced with the reality that I am no longer a kid.  I weave out a sigh.  In a few days I’ll be living in the “Bird Cage.”  Scary.

I don’t know if this was a good morning or not.  I woke up early and I guess that was a good sign.  The breeze that brought the  scent of the NOT too distant past brought about a feeling of hope and hopelessness. 

Hopelessness that I am no longer young and not getting any wiser.

And hope that, somehow, I can still recognize that feeling of youth and maybe find it again somewhere not as a memory but as part of the present.

Good morning everyone.  Good afternoon and good night.  If only it were the same everyday –throughout the day.  After my bath, I step out and find that the sun had already taken the place of that somber morning.  The pavement was dry and the street had become relatively busy once again.  

Once again.  All of a sudden the morning was part of the present.  Now, I suddenly change my mind about the thought of everyday always being the same.

I guess that’s what hurts.  It has always been the same.  It was I who changed.   It’s not so bad though.  Certainly not fantastic.  Hopeful.  Hopeless.  The scent of the breeze was not some kind of memory.  It was the present.  It was there.  

Only difference was that I wasn’t.  And I won’t be again in a long long time.

And once again.  Good morning.

It’s About Time

It’s about time that I type in something new again.  Wow, it has been a long time.  I do not know what to write.  Great…

In many ways, it is the right time to say, “It’s about time.”

It’s about time to finish the book I’m reading.  About time to be true.  About time to face the music.  About time to well, eat my own words and stick with what is in front of me.  Not like it’s bad.  D ba?

Music in my car right now.  A Sheryl Crow CD.  Undoubtedly, one of the most heart-broken rock chicks out there.  Without the heavy duty guitar riffs nor the yodel-belting out type of choruses.  

And the album I am patiently awaiting – Kings of Leon’s album.  I just can’t wait.

Back to what I was saying…

Sad to say, it’s about time I grow up.  Even just a little bit.  Time to move on.  Even if it’s not too faraway.  Hirap eh.  

It isn’t always such a bad thing.  I hate this kind of trivial, vague and encrypted entries.  Don’t you?  I do.  But that is how I feel.  I’m taking a dive.  Into the same dark well as Toru Okada.  But wait, do you see it?  I assume, unlike Toru, I’m flashing a faint smile.  It’s just too dark to see here at the bottom.

Almost the End of the Year

Despite the recession (which is hardly felt here in the country-at least for me and the people close to me), 2009 brings a lot of promises. At least promises that I have vowed for myself. And the end of the year events would truly prove that great or rather drastic changes are to come.

The coming year beckons that, soon, everyone’s getting one year older. And with it new questions and assessment of where each of us are now. Sounds sad, but I would rather look at it as something exciting.

First off, my sister’s getting married before the year ends. My bro’s in a dorm for college. That means that I would be the only kid left in the house by next year. My dad’s getting older and grows more stubborn each year but my mom’s is still as kikay as ever.

I guess this landmark event is a signal for me to move out. I have no idea where my sister and her husband-to-be are planning to move-in nor where they are spending their honeymoon. I just felt the urge (and it felt pretty urgent) to move out. I felt like an old guy sleeping in his childhood bedroom. Life is exciting but at the same time it is some kind of a race. I know I think I should somehow just cruise through. But that’s just me. Always trying to buy extra time.

In the meantime, my plans for next year means that I would have to endure a few (or several) more months in the office where I work in. The boss is pretty much giving me more challenging tasks- committing deadlines without my knowledge! But I might as well try to enjoy something I do not love. I do not know if it’s possible, but my friends are somehow helping get through it day by day. And I know, one time or another, my heart will give in to what I really yearn to do with my life. That is a career in architecture and design.

So the next year is my empty canvass. A new place, go to school,and hopefully get a new job. The trick is now is trying to paint on this canvass with oil paint that keeps sinking deeper and deeper into my fingernails.  Something I would have to learn how to love.  Or endure.

My Song for the Moment

The Killers are back with a new single and fans can’t help but get excited about their new album due for release this November. True to The Killer’s sound, the new single never sounds very “now.” The first album had a sixties sound to it, and the new single has a new wave feel. I have never been a fan of new wave, but this new song really is very much in tune with what music should be. Timeless. And the new wave sound to it is a reminder of Brandon’s keyboard playing.  A little bit mellow than the two previous albums, but we have yet to hear the rest of the album.

And as usual, the song would baffle you as much as it would get you into it. Mr. Flower’s vocals sounds more “curly” this time (as how I would describe it). What else can I say, I love it.

Human (thanks to mp3lyrics.org)

I did my best to notice
when the call came down the line
up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
and sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door

close your eyes, clear your heart

cut the cord
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer

pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion,
you taught me everything I know

wave good bye, wish me well

you gotta let me go
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer

will your system be all right
when you dream of home tonight
there is no message we’re receiving
let me know is your heart still beating

are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer

you’ve gotta let me know
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human
or are we dancer

are we human or are we dancer

are we human or are we dancer

That’s What You Get…

 

When you let your heart win.

You lose.

Rainy days and Fridays…

Always get me down.

Haha. What beats the gym on a rainy Friday morning?  Coffee at SBC with your laptop. And not worrying about the latest tennis news or what Sharapova has been up to other than partying (uh playing tennis? nah!).  Just drifting my way through face book and poking people I like.  How I wish I could poke people I like in real life. Buwaahaha!

Right now. Everything is back on a stand still.  I feel like a kid.  A cry-baby. A fetus floating in my mommy’s womb.  Until I am nothing but a spec.

* * *

I remember telling Elea about how I hate the song “The Man Who Can’t be Moved” because it has become overplayed.  Now, I hate it because now I long to hear it.  Maybe because I want to play with my emotions.  I guess we really don’t outgrow the high school kid in us.  Or is it just me?

* * *

Arrrggggh! I just took a week-long leave and that has been the weirdest week I have ever had. It was supposed to recharge me and save me from being burnt-out from work, from personal matters and what not.  Now, I come back more confused, more disillusioned as ever.

* * *

I guess rollercoasters really won’t lead you anywhere.

* * *

To my best friends in the world. Let’s party and get drunk on Saturday!!! ( Although I have never been drunk!) Yahoo! See you guys!